You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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