I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
