I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
