Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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