She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
