Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
