the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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