Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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