community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lost the right to judge tonight
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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