just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
