In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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