Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
