guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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