3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
