My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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