The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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