you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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