I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
