there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
