and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
