The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
