weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
