Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
