dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
