i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
