i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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