So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
