I haven't been this sober since birth.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
