Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
