At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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