Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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