Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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