I think im going to throw up on grandma
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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