The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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