My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
