So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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