my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
not ubering you a puppy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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