FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
