you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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