we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
