When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
