when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
