I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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