Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
