I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
