she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
