A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
