Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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