Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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