OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
