I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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