Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I die, sorry about rent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
