you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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