I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
