For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
