he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
