i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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