I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
