there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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