I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
