i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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