Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize