I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
