ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
