I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
