you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
