just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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